Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
