You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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