How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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