Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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