things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
