update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize