i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
