I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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