He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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