People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
