made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
