She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize