Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
