Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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