Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My vagina just clenched in fear
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
