last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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