Your dad touched me again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
