HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
