i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my liver is dry heaving
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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