Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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