Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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