you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
