we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize