I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
