you would pick up someone in the library
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
