i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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