don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
