Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
