I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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