It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
