Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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