Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The adults are the big ones right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
