if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
