that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize