i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
