i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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