Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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