Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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