Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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