After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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