Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
