Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
