the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
