Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
