I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
