trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
