Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
