Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
