I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How does one acquire holy water?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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