I wannas sexs uuuuu
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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