Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
