Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
