i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
