I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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