True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
