i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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