I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
