yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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