It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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