It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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