I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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