apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
