Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
