i was born a porn star she said
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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