Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
