u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
