I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
