I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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