i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize