i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
