You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
