shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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