he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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