shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
