Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
