one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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