I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
