what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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