I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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