I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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