apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
