You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
