I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
