Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize