so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
