this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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