I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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