i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
