this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
