Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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