You made me cry and you don't even care
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
