Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
