if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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