Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize