They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So many bounce houses so little time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
