hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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