It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
