I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
