Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
