Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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