Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
