No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
