I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
